Sunday, March 27, 2011

Week 1 of BIG

It was fun, challenging, emotional. I say challenging because it requires me to let go, let go of the crap in my head...the voices that say "You suck" "You're not good enough" "That looks like utter crap". To let go of what my mind thinks I should do, what the painting should look like, the urge to 'perfect' it. Challenging in I need to let myself think outside the box. To let the paper, the paints speak to me.

And emotional. OI! By mid week, I was an emotional weeping pile of I don't know what. And really it wasn't the painting or exercises that did that. No by mid week, I had made a step for me to make a call that was long over due. I called the crisis center and spoke to an advocate there...I won't go into all that here. If you're interested in knowing you can always read about it on my main blog The Forgotten Muse.

But that call, opened up something in me and all I could do or wanted to do was weep. I mean really cry from the deepest part of me. But when you're surrounded by people constantly, it's a bit difficult to do. So I wept on and off, and some how tried to work those emotions into the painting process.

You know what...I held back. I didn't truly let go. I didn't truly throw it all into the painting I wanted so much to destroy. Why? I didn't know how. I didn't think I was 'allowed'. I haven't decided yet if I want to go back and attack that painting and give it the ass kicking I wanted to. Or if I want to just throw all that feeling into another "Angry" painting. Part of me says go back to that somehow has some unknown connection to the anger, the hurt, the pain.

I am looking forward to Week 2 of BIG. More challenges, more letting go, more of being BIG and FEARLESS.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

BIG Has Begun

Oh My Goodness! BIG has begun. It's fun so far. These first assignments are easy in one sense but in another it's like damn this is hard! Especially when my life long pal "FEAR" shows up. And let me tell ya...Fear just doesn't know when to shut up. I've not verbally confronted my pal yet, but it's coming! Right now I'm just choosing to ignore those voices and keep on doing the assignments. Painting 2 or 3 of each one. I'm on assignment 2 right now, and I like it the moment.

This week is all about painting, painting BIG, painting FEARLESS. It's about turning off that inner critic, telling Fear to take a hike. For me, those are no easy tasks.

I don't know if I want to move on to assignment 3 yet or play around with 1 and 2 some more. I just know I'm falling in love with Liquitex paints. I bought some Artist's Loft ones. Both are consider Basics or Level 1 paints. It's only a dollar difference between the 2 brands but I can honestly say I won't mind paying the extra buck for Liquitex. It goes on and spreads much, much smoother than the Artist's Loft brand. Which I am finding doesn't like to move too well even when I add a medium to it or even some water.

Well, this one's almost dry...soon time to start another...YAY!

Monday, March 14, 2011


I'm going to be taking this online workshop with Connie Hozvicka. I've read some great things about it. And I feel like it is something I really need to do. So...I am going to be brave and learn to be BIG and FEARLESS!